I Hate Heart South Beach

I've been driving in circles for 20 minutes. So far, I've cursed aloud to myself in the car five times for very legitimate reasons:

1) The cheap garage is full. #@!%

2) The other garage is $15 flat rate. #@!% that!

3) Ah, there's a spot down the street! Loading zone? #@!%

4) Does my car fit in this space? I'm a parallel parking goddess; I can make it work.... I can't make it work. #@!%

5) Guess I'll have to park in that overpriced garage after all. It's now $20? #@!% 

By the time I finally find a parking spot, I'm almost out of gas, grumpy, and hating South Beach. I walk past Collins Avenue to Ocean Drive, drenched in sweat, and wonder, "why do I even bother coming out here?" Then I hit the water and wonder, "why don't I come here more often?"

The truth is, most Miamians take the beach for granted. It's not going anywhere, right? But each time I do go, I can't believe I've been kept away so long. When I travel, I'm more interested in exploring what Miami doesn't offer -- centuries-old architecture, historic bars, mystery. Who needs the Mediterranean Sea when you live in Miami? Yet I rarely take advantage of our celebrated beaches. Shame on me.

I hereby resolve to visit Miami Beach as often as possible even if trying to park makes me want to shoot something.

Beautiful Bugs

I've made it a point on this blog to rail against my sworn enemy -- the Miami cockroach, known down here as the Palmetto bug. Luckily, the tropics also harbor some strikingly bright and colorful insects that don't make my stomach churn in disgust.

Behold the iridescent, spotted evolutionary marvel that I recently caught sight of on my mailbox.

The palm tree in my front yard has lately been home to a bright green lizard that resembles the Geico gecko.

A few weeks ago, while walking my roach killing dog, I spotted a butterfly just emerged from its cocoon.

Miami is also home to a particular click beetle with glowing green eyes. Yes, it's slightly roach-like, but it's eyes light up brighter than the little green lights on my modem. It's a sci-fi alien bug.

For as long as roaches have been trolling this planet, you'd think they could've evolved some type of non-repulsive feature. Don't hold your breath, world; they're apparently set on offending humanity's collective sense of sight.